The world has a funny way of unfolding and that’s as much as I want to say because there is something else I want to talk about today; the vital importance of looking forward.
As anyone could probably tell you, I have a tendency to dwell in the past. I find sad amusement in looking at the things I have an haven’t done and some satisfaction in comparing who I was to who I am today (Sometimes I imagine different versions of myself meeting but it makes me extremely uncomfortable so I try not to do that).
I mean, I’m certainly far from the girl who started the 365-day photo project (4 years ago, now) and made smiley faces with brackets (ex. :]). But I’m still nothing like the one who ended it, on the eve of my junior year of high-school and constantly made elaborate allusions to life being like a book.
Like everyone else, I guess I’m some weird amalgamation of who I was and I have to be okay with that because another few months from now I’ll probably be someone else.
But no matter where I am, I feel paralyzing instability when I can’t perceive myself moving forward. And these bouts of instability leave me feeling trapped, lost, and endlessly introspective (which seems to be the only time I blog) however for the first time in a little over four years (holy hell) I am going to do something about it.
I’m making a decision. I’m diving behind the lens and promising myself another year long project of dedication and progression because creating is my passion and photography is my medium.
I’m starting a 52 week photo project to focus on quality and consistency.
My goal is to move away from self portraiture and throw my self at creating art with more tangible substance and much less “well, it looks pretty” because I’ve made peace with myself but not yet with my art.
I’m doing this because I need to see my own improvement and I am going to do everything I can to ensure that every photo will be an improvement on the last and an improvement on everything I have done. For once, I don’t want every photo to be a part of a greater whole, I want every capture to be able to stand on it’s own.
Maybe it’s ridiculous to think that every week will live up to this expectation, but nothing says that I can’t try.
(on another note: if you catch me not trying please yell or throw something at me because I am publishing this post for a reason.)